i guess i've already decided to withdraw from smu.
its a tough decision made by me.
its really very tough.
but after coming to that decision, i feel more relaxed, instantly.
i dont know why, perhaps because i've let go all my worries and stress inside me.
i feel more relieved now.
its so sudden, for what my good friends around me in smu will say.
and that silly girl, pamela, called and cried after receiving my sms.
you're so cute girl.
please dont be so sad.
i know you told me last week that u wanna transfer to ntu.
i can see that you are also going through what i went through.
people will ask u to hang on no matter what,
but, my opinion is, make your own decision no matter what it is.
and i believe your parents will support you.
okok. i finally fall sick.
i guess i've been suffocating too much and putting too much unnecessary pressure onto myself.
so, all the bugs are attacking me right now.
isk dar enlisting today.
he dropped me an email this morning.
that's quite sweet of him.
well, i believe that he can survive through it.
i'll miss him dearly,
for all those memories he imprinted in my mind.
thanks for all those enlightening words, especially to me.
there's a reason for every word that you say.
you've been my guardian angel, my counsellor, my frustration tool, my advisor throughout these 3 years.
without you, i may not be what i am today.
i'm just so used to have you by my side.
take care sweets. : )
friends from smu asked me not to withdraw.
they said they're also facing what i am facing.
but, the thing is, i cant take it!
i know a degree is very important in today's society.
but, i really cant handle stress!
i really tried my best.
what for force myself to do something that i cant comprehend?
i'm always so lost after every lesson.
sighs.
what shld i do?
i feel like withdrawing from sch with immediate effect.
i feel so useless.
they said isk is a bad influencer.
but he has his reasons for doing so.
he knows me too well.
he knows what my standards are and where my limits can reach.
what he says really makes sense.
sighs.
i dont wish to fall into depression.
otherwise, i will not know what am i doing.
rained @ 6:41 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
2 more days, and you're leaving.
what am i going to do without you?
: ' (
i guess i'm really not born to study.
i cant handle stress.
and the stress i'm experiencing now, is far more than i expected.
i'm not the type to study in smu.
seriously not.
i'm not vocal.
i'm lacking the courage to speak up.
and all the people around me are nerds.
they're intelligent, smart, vocal....
sighs.
i seriously feel like giving up uni.
thinking of all the assignments, projects, quizzes, tests, readings..
its just making me go crazy.
can i give up?
people may tell me not to give up.
and one side of me is also asking me not to give up.
my parents will be disappointed in me.
and i will also be disappointed in myself.
most of my cousins have a degree, or going to have a degree.
i dont wish to lose out.
am i being competitive here?
but, if i dont have a degree, where can i go in the future?
what do i actually want?
what's my goal in life?
sighs.
headache.
i'm just so lost.
yet all i can do is hide somewhere and cry.
i feel so useless.
i dont like talking it out to anyone.
or maybe, i dont know how to go about talking about it?
i'm such a useless person.
only knows how to bottle everything inside me.
its suffocating.
what should i do?
rained @ 9:30 PM
Friday, September 07, 2007
why does smu professors love giving quizzes so much?
another quiz today.
stats quiz.
5 out of 10 marks.
what the fuck.
Individual assignments:
- Politics x 3
- Business, Govt and Society
- Academic writing x 3
- Analytical skills
Group Projects:
- Econs
- Business, Govt and Society
- Analytical skills
- Politics
*faints*
rained @ 6:45 PM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
another politics quiz today.
and apparently,
i failed!
only 2 out of 7 correct.
i seriously didnt expect that there's a quiz today,
because we just had one last week.
and today's quiz is about ideology; marxism; facism; liberalism.
so chim har?
another lesson of 'questionmarkssss'.
many of my friends regretted coming smu, including me of course!
really regret. hai.
i simply cant adapt to their culture and system.
i really miss poly days.. .. :(
"this is university, what do you expect?", said one of my friend.
indeed, what he said is true.
we're all surrounded by people from jc.
and they're all super enthusiatic and intelligent.
i'm just far... far.... behind. boo~
i have had 3 blisters each on my feet!
stupid shoe.
was practically limping my way home just now.
it's damn pain!
and the lrt broke down just b4 reaching fajar!
i guess it 'trip' on something.
there's no electricity, means no air-con!
its so stuffy la, especially when there's quite a number of passengers on board.
and my feet is hurting so much.
piang eh. i just feel like forcing open the door and jump out.
hahahaha. kidding.
the only hope i have during that time is that,
the lrt dont topple down and explode.
hahahahaha.
ok. goodnights. i'm so sleepy.
6 more days. boohoohoo~! :"(
rained @ 7:30 PM
Sunday, September 02, 2007
school really sucks.
i really dont know what the professors are teaching;
what are we supposed to do for our assignments.
i hate smu!
i need to cry.
rained @ 5:46 PM
