with an aging population,
more and more funerals can be seen at the void decks,
especially in my neighbourhood.
currently there's one opposite my block,
awaiting to set off for cremation.
i was standing by the window last night,
observing as they were burning the incense papers.
many things came to my mind at that time,
especially the funeral of my grandfather that took place only 4 months ago.
the image of his lifeless body,
is still vividly etched in my memory.
everything happened too quickly;
mummy and aunt sent him to the hospital's A&E on that fateful morning,
and that was the last i ever see him again.
i wanted so much to rush to the hospital,
but being sick at that very crucial moment (together with the strict H1N1's preventive measures taking place), there's nothing i can do other than to wait for the phone calls at home.
every second passes as if the world is going to collapse anytime.
anxiety, and more anxiety.
i've never felt so much of an anxiety in my life.
and finally, that dreadful call came.
my heart stopped.
he's gone.
nobody expected him to leave us just like that,
and until now,
i'm still sadden over his demise.
i miss him so much.
what really disappoint me is,
throughout these years when grandfather is going through a hard time,
the daughters are the only ones doing their part,
ensuring that he is in great hands,
and that he's not alone in this world.
what's the point of having a grandson who specialises in the medical field,
yet NOT EVEN ONCE visited grandfather in the hospital and asked about his conditions?
what a 'filial' grandson indeed.
i despise such a person.
not to mention his parents,
they are of the worse lot.
its a shame to have such people in the family.
anyhow,
ever since this tragedy took place,
i've learnt to treasure the people and things around me.
life is unpredictable, and anything can just happen without you knowing it.
love the people around you;
except the ones who doesnt deserve it. :x
i was overwhelmed with emotions after reading the newpaper on saturday.
there's so many 'shocking' stories that somehow affected me.
and the most upsetting yet angry news;
a groomer hit a maltese-terrier with an electric clipper (because it doesnt behave and bit him during the grooming process?), causing its eye to bulge out, and it died henceafter.
OH MY GOD!
doesnt that akin to murder?
and he was sentenced to jail (if i didnt remember wrongly) ... for only 2 weeks?
that's definitely way too lenient of a punishment!
poor dog.
what's more, its only a mini breed that's weighs about 3.5kg.
therefore, what harm can a small dog inflict to us human?
it really doesnt deserve to go through such a horrifying death... :(
rained @ 4:13 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
brother's 21st in advance.
anyway,
my mind is so occupied with stuffs recently - school, family, friends, relationship, and myself.
school;
i dont feel motivated at all to revise through the weekly lectures.
it seems that the notes are being sprinkled with 'sleeping powder',
and it always make me feel so tired whenever i went through them.
or, i will just space out after few minutes of concentration..
that's very bad. sighs.
MOTIVATION, PLEASE COME BACK!
family;
she's always trying to find fault at me.
it always happen over and over again.
stop it can?
i am getting more and more frustrated at the thought of it.
she, always make me so angry and the silly me will hide somewhere to let out my emotions.
sighs. what to do?
oh, and i miss grandfather soooooo much. :(
take me with you, grandpa.
friends;
though i do not have many,
but i am glad i have a few good ones.
and i thank them for staying with me whenever i need them.
heart them.
relationship;
i do wonder, when will that confidence lost be gained back again.
the thought of it just make me feel so upset and painful.
its never easy to fully input the trust in someone,
and when you have finally done that,
he decided to leave you for someone else.
what's more upsetting is that,
he will try to give a whole load of excuses to get rid of you...
how nice is that~
though thats the past,
but the fear, the wound and the scar will forever remain.
who can heal them? prove to me that i'm wrong.
myself;
i dont see the usual self in me anymore.
googled my suspicion and perhaps i'm right about it.
stubborn i may be, you will never see the real me.
rained @ 11:58 AM
Monday, October 12, 2009
4 days 3 night of holidaying in bangkok is NOT ENOUGH!
before you really enjoyed yourself,
its time to head back home..
and classes resume the next morning.
i was too tired to go for class today,
as my legs are aching real badly from all the walking.
so i decided to give it a miss! :x
anyway,
it has been 13 years since i last went to bangkok.
of course, many things have changed.
the only thing that remains the same is that,
cockroaches are still everywhere!
it scares the hell out of me.
and to make things worse,
abel tried to frighten me further by claiming that their ground floor are filled with roaches and rats. (luckily i didnt see any~ what a relief!!!!!)
the next trip to bangkok,
i will be there for more days to shop as well as to PLAY.
i've always loved to go to places such as disneyland, dreamworld.. etc
it would be so much fun!!
will definitely visit dreamworld next year with abel;
am so glad that i've found someone who is so into thrilling and exciting rides like i do! :)
not many pictures taken during this trip;
just some random ones..
Changi Airport.
was caught in a major traffic jam, so we started to camwhore~
it was tired climbing the heap of stairs, especially when we are lugging our luggages up. but then, its a good form of exercise!
this meow meow here is such a sweetie; my perception of cats changed because of her. :)
managed to catch a glimpse of pulau tekong.
-'waves' to cousin~
rained @ 2:15 PM
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
finally, its cousin's turn to get enlisted today.
and its time for him to learn to be more indepedent.
but then,
i'm pretty worried for him, cos he's real BLUR.
hopefully nothing goes wrong and he will be back in one whole piece, safe and sound.
anyway,
i'm flying to bkk tomorrow~
:D
till then.
rained @ 12:50 PM
Friday, October 02, 2009
its been almost half a year,
and my condition seem to worsen as each day passes.
i'm really tired; depressed.
and sometimes,
i really hope to find someone who really understands everything that i'm going through now,
rather than trying to convince me that nothing is wrong!
i know for sure that something is very wrong with me.
although it is ideal to speak to people who are close to me about my condition,
but as always,
nobody seem to believe my words, or be interested in hearing what i have to say.
anyway,
its my own problem and not others;
they wouldnt know how depressing this would be.
i have only myself, both physically and mentally, to fight against whatever that comes.
its tiring.
very.
rained @ 11:56 AM
